I started hating Rachael Ray pretty innocently, we got her magazine at work and sometimes I'd flip through it, and if something was particularly egregious, I'd show a co-worker and we'd have a laugh. And then I started looking forward to the next issue. And then I started bringing things home to mock. And before you know it, hatin' on the Ray became a thing I'd look forward to each and every month.
Then the subscription ended. I wasn't sad, but over time I did come to realize that I missed her particular brand of food buffoonery. Buffoodery.
So here we are again.
It was an unusually hot Seattle day; I had ducked into a drugstore to bask in the air conditioning and was nearly struck in the face with the headline "Beer Can Chicken 6 Ways!" I thought to myself, using 6 different types of beer does not count as six ways, and prepared myself for disappointment as I flipped the magazine open to page 28. There indeed was a pyramid of cans - 4 beers, 2 sodas.
"Pour out half..." each recipe starts with. Pour. Out. Half. Not "drink half" or "decant half" or even a poetic, "take the Julia Childs route and reserve half for the chef..." Oh no. So you start out by wasting half a beer. Then you prop your chicken on whatever can and rub it with some stuff and put it on the grill. While the chicken is cooking, you could be sitting back, enjoying a tasty glass of half-beer, but nope - Rachael told you to dump it in the grass where it will attract wasps and slugs. Have fun with that.
Further horrors await within.
Page 12: The Breakfast Burger. It's a mcmuffin with a hamburger patty instead of a sausage patty. Do you need to be told this is a thing you can do? It's a thing you can do.
Page 35: Pink Flamingo Ring Toss. I don't actually hate this, but I'm guessing the average reader doesn't have a back yard, let alone a back yard big enough to house this game of Wonderlandian proportions. I used to have a back yard big enough, in another city, in another life... Ok, fine, I hate this now.
Page 41: "Iced coffee concentrate made from coffee beans." As opposed to...?
Page 48: Party Tips. "Place drinks and food in different rooms." Starts out fair enough, that's some good advice, gets people movin'. But then, unfortunately, it continues; "Instead of making crostini with tapenade, set out ingredients so guests can build their own: a basket with toasted baguette slices and maybe a black olive tapenade and one with green olives... Asking another partygoer which topping she recommends is a simple, natural way to break the ice."
Him: "Oh yum! Crostini! My favorite! But... I wanna try something new. Hey, excuse me young miss, what would you recommend I put atop this delicious bread?"
Her: [side eye] "Well, there's tapenade and, umm, tapenade, take your pick."
THEY FALL IN LOVE AND MAKE BABIES THE END.
Oh, then the article goes on to say that wallflowers can get put to work serving food, because hey, who needs to hire waitstaff when you have socially awkward friends.
Page 59: Camping Cocktails. If one is the type to bring Campari and Sweet Vermouth camping, one is not the type to shake them together in a Mason jar and add beer. This is a universal truth.
Page 97: Steve assures me that while Smith Island is a real place, the fishermen there don't really care too much about their dessert's presentation. Cake is cake, amirite? And Minnesota actually has 15,291 lakes. And if all Nevada is known for is its cantaloupe farms, well then, I just can't even finish this sentence.
Page 104: Momofuku's Christina Tosi's Icebox Cake! Goodness! I'm expecting a 6-part recipe with 8 different steps, 9+ hours of combined cooling time, and a secret surprise in the middle that would give me a weeklong tonguegasm. I'm getting a pile of Cool Whip, grape jelly, and Ritz crackers. I am disappoint. I'm going to make my own version with salted brown butter shortbread, freshly whipped cream, organic concord grape juice, and spite.
It's good to be back.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
SIFF2015 (WD) part the second
Friday 5/22
The Nightmare
The Nightmare
11:55pm The Egyptian
This looks to be a fascinating and horrifying documentary on sleep paralysis, using reenactments to show the true effect of the condition and its accompanying hallucinations. While I desperately want to see this film about true life night terrors, I absolutely do not want to ride the bus home alone at 2am afterwards. I may wait til the 25th so that I can see it early and go home while it’s still light out.
Saturday 5/23
Faces of Yesler Terrace
This looks to be a fascinating and horrifying documentary on sleep paralysis, using reenactments to show the true effect of the condition and its accompanying hallucinations. While I desperately want to see this film about true life night terrors, I absolutely do not want to ride the bus home alone at 2am afterwards. I may wait til the 25th so that I can see it early and go home while it’s still light out.
Saturday 5/23
Faces of Yesler Terrace
11:00 am Harvard Exit
No matter what your thoughts are on Seattle’s changing culture, these two short films looks to be mandatory viewing for anyone interested in sustainable neighborhoods, urban development, the sociopolitical face of gentrification, and all that civic stuff. ^LG
No matter what your thoughts are on Seattle’s changing culture, these two short films looks to be mandatory viewing for anyone interested in sustainable neighborhoods, urban development, the sociopolitical face of gentrification, and all that civic stuff. ^LG
Manglehorn
11:00 am The Egyptian
I can’t help but see Al Swearengen in the promo photo.
If that’s not enough (and really, it should be, but I get it, sometimes people need more), Al Pacino’s performance in this eccentric romance is said to be quiet and nuanced, a throwback to some of his earliest roles – and he’s got cats. Or at least a cat. Oh, and Holly Hunter’s in it, too.
I’m sure there’s a deep look at the complexities of human emotion here, and that Pacino’s profession as a locksmith is probably very allegorical, but honestly they had me at cat. ^LG
808
9:30pm Uptown
What do Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing,” Lil Wayne’s “Let the Beat Build,” and The Talking Heads’ “Psycho Killer,” and the entire band 808 State have in common? The Roland TR-808 drum machine. Pop some Egyptian Lover in your Walkman and prepare to get schooled. ^LG
What do Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing,” Lil Wayne’s “Let the Beat Build,” and The Talking Heads’ “Psycho Killer,” and the entire band 808 State have in common? The Roland TR-808 drum machine. Pop some Egyptian Lover in your Walkman and prepare to get schooled. ^LG
Alleluia
9:45pm Uptown
This looks to be amazingly upsetting; Variety calls Fabrice Du Welz’s latest, a remake of The Honeymoon Killers, “an exercise in audience discomfort” while evoking Sweeney Todd and fills their review with adjectives like codependent, jealous, grotesque, and gargoyle-like.
So yeah, a musical rom-com that’s right up my alley. ^LG
People Places Things
1:30pm The Egyptian
Jemaine Clement, newly of What We Do in the Shadows, plays a graphic novel artist dealing with single dadhood, new romance, and balancing life and art and all. On the surface, it sounds very twee, and it may well be, but Clement’s recent turn as the vampire Vladislav shows he’s got some mighty charming chops. I’m in.
One Million Dubliners
6:30pm Harvard Exit
A tour of Glasnevin Cemetery, Ireland’s national graveyard. So many stories…
The Automatic Hate
8:30pm Uptown
Millennials get a lot of guff, they are often accused of having short attention spans, being tech-dependent, and not really having a handle on cultural history. I mean come on, most of them haven’t even seen Footloose. But what’s really telling is how they deal with the sins of their fathers.
Director Justin Lerner, writer Katharine O'Brien, and producer Lacey Leavitt are scheduled to attend, so be prepared for some good discussion.
1:30pm The Egyptian
Jemaine Clement, newly of What We Do in the Shadows, plays a graphic novel artist dealing with single dadhood, new romance, and balancing life and art and all. On the surface, it sounds very twee, and it may well be, but Clement’s recent turn as the vampire Vladislav shows he’s got some mighty charming chops. I’m in.
One Million Dubliners
6:30pm Harvard Exit
A tour of Glasnevin Cemetery, Ireland’s national graveyard. So many stories…
The Automatic Hate
8:30pm Uptown
Millennials get a lot of guff, they are often accused of having short attention spans, being tech-dependent, and not really having a handle on cultural history. I mean come on, most of them haven’t even seen Footloose. But what’s really telling is how they deal with the sins of their fathers.
Director Justin Lerner, writer Katharine O'Brien, and producer Lacey Leavitt are scheduled to attend, so be prepared for some good discussion.
Monday 5/25
Vincent
3:30pm Uptown
An understated superhero movie – Vincent is a regular fellow who just happens to develop superhuman strength when he gets wet. People find out. Things get weird. Seems straightforward enough, but I have a few science questions - what happens when he takes a shower? Does sweat count as water? Who would win in an epic battle between Vincent and Aquaman? Hopefully all of these and more will be answered, and if not, director Thomas Salvador will be on hand to tackle them after the film.
H.
6:30pm Pacific Place
A pair of Helens from Troy (the New York one, not the Old Greek one) get a little batty when a meteor hits town. Everyone else goes a bit nuts, too, so it’s ok. I think? From a few descriptions, it seems that the film is calling up bits of the Iliad along with its focus on motherhood in various forms, and that brings to mind one of our modern classics -Kids in the Hall, season 1: “30 Helens Agree... There's a time and a place to show photos of your children!”
Tuesday 5/26
Diner
6:30pm The Egyptian
Diner
6:30pm The Egyptian
Mickey Rourke, Daniel Stern, Paul
Reiser, Steve Guttenberg, Ellen Barkin, and Kevin Bacon. That’s all I should
have to say.
Footloose
9:30pm The Egyptian
More Kevin Bacon. All the Kevin Bacon! I keep forgetting that there are kids out there - out and walking around! - who haven’t seen this movie. The singin’ and dancin’ are plentiful and pretty, but what I truly appreciate about this movie is the depth of the characters. It’d be easy to pigeonhole all the types (and admittedly, some characters are more caricature), but the cast does a great job of being real teens and real parents, in a really conservative midwestern setting.
Footloose
9:30pm The Egyptian
More Kevin Bacon. All the Kevin Bacon! I keep forgetting that there are kids out there - out and walking around! - who haven’t seen this movie. The singin’ and dancin’ are plentiful and pretty, but what I truly appreciate about this movie is the depth of the characters. It’d be easy to pigeonhole all the types (and admittedly, some characters are more caricature), but the cast does a great job of being real teens and real parents, in a really conservative midwestern setting.
In the Grayscale
9:30pm Pacific Place
When midlife crisis turns into a tender love story, I’m all in.
Gentle
9:00pm Uptown
I was supposed to have read Dostoevsky’s 1876 novella “A Gentle Creature” for a book report in Senior High, but I never did. I faked my way through some kind of essay about the inflated value of imagined love. Or something.
There have been other film adaptations of this story, but so far none has really caught my eye as much as this one by Kiet Le-Van. It looks to be a haunting slow-burner.
9:30pm Pacific Place
When midlife crisis turns into a tender love story, I’m all in.
Gentle
9:00pm Uptown
I was supposed to have read Dostoevsky’s 1876 novella “A Gentle Creature” for a book report in Senior High, but I never did. I faked my way through some kind of essay about the inflated value of imagined love. Or something.
There have been other film adaptations of this story, but so far none has really caught my eye as much as this one by Kiet Le-Van. It looks to be a haunting slow-burner.
The Invisible Boy
7:00pm Pacific Place
SIFF2015 (WD) part the first
Friday 5/15
Set Fire To The Stars
7:00pm Uptown
Stark black and white, self-destructive poets, Elijah Wood. At best, this will be a biopic full of personal demons, cars with shiny chrome, and beatnik jazz. Worst case is something something road not taken something.
Stark black and white, self-destructive poets, Elijah Wood. At best, this will be a biopic full of personal demons, cars with shiny chrome, and beatnik jazz. Worst case is something something road not taken something.
Goodnight Mommy
9:30pm The Egyptian
“Twin boys blur the line between nightmare and reality…” That’s pretty much a given for all boys everywhere, whether twins or not. Add cornfields, facial bandages, existential angst, and well, its still pretty much par for the course. I haven’t read up on the plot, but I’m thinkin’ it’s gonna be somethin’ like like Elliot and Beverly Mantle from Dead Ringers somehow grew up in the Von Trapp family, and I’m totally down with that.
“Twin boys blur the line between nightmare and reality…” That’s pretty much a given for all boys everywhere, whether twins or not. Add cornfields, facial bandages, existential angst, and well, its still pretty much par for the course. I haven’t read up on the plot, but I’m thinkin’ it’s gonna be somethin’ like like Elliot and Beverly Mantle from Dead Ringers somehow grew up in the Von Trapp family, and I’m totally down with that.
Saturday 5/16
Tab Hunter Confidential
Tab Hunter Confidential
11:00am Harvard Exit
Due to its imminent demise, I’m going to see as many films at the Exit as possible, starting with this documentary about Tab Hunter. Tab Hunter Confidential is based on the 2006 book of the same name written by Hunter (with the help of film historian Eddie Muller). Of all the soft spots I have for Hollywood’s dark past; Mr Hunter’s closet is one of my favorite fontanelles.
Due to its imminent demise, I’m going to see as many films at the Exit as possible, starting with this documentary about Tab Hunter. Tab Hunter Confidential is based on the 2006 book of the same name written by Hunter (with the help of film historian Eddie Muller). Of all the soft spots I have for Hollywood’s dark past; Mr Hunter’s closet is one of my favorite fontanelles.
Gemma Bovery/Guidance
3:00pm The Egyptian/ 3:00pm Uptown
I’m not quite sure which of these is gonna make the cut, but odds are it’ll be Guidance, simply because it’s a quick-ish trip on the D-line rather than a cross-town bustravaganza. Both of these look to be quirky-ish films about adults making bad decisions, and I can totally get behind that. Gemma Bovery is based on Flaubert’s Madam Bovary, while Guidance just miiiiiiight be based on director Pat Mills’ life (former child actor, kind of a lush - the film’s website says so; I ain’t tellin’ tales).
Beyond Zero: 1914-1918
6:00 pm Film Center Theater
You know that scene in Saving Private Ryan where an entire city is in lain to rubble and yet somehow an Edith Piaf’ ‘Tu Es Partout’ spins out loud and clear? This collection of archival footage from World War 1 looks to be a whole lot like that – an amazing, and harrowing, collection of historic 35mm nitrate footage jammed up against a soundtrack based upon anti-war music and art of the time.
The New Girlfriend
3:00pm The Egyptian/ 3:00pm Uptown
I’m not quite sure which of these is gonna make the cut, but odds are it’ll be Guidance, simply because it’s a quick-ish trip on the D-line rather than a cross-town bustravaganza. Both of these look to be quirky-ish films about adults making bad decisions, and I can totally get behind that. Gemma Bovery is based on Flaubert’s Madam Bovary, while Guidance just miiiiiiight be based on director Pat Mills’ life (former child actor, kind of a lush - the film’s website says so; I ain’t tellin’ tales).
Beyond Zero: 1914-1918
6:00 pm Film Center Theater
You know that scene in Saving Private Ryan where an entire city is in lain to rubble and yet somehow an Edith Piaf’ ‘Tu Es Partout’ spins out loud and clear? This collection of archival footage from World War 1 looks to be a whole lot like that – an amazing, and harrowing, collection of historic 35mm nitrate footage jammed up against a soundtrack based upon anti-war music and art of the time.
The New Girlfriend
9:30 pm The Egyptian
They say that this is a “Hitchcockian psychosexual drama,” and those words are music to my ears. This French take on the genre adds a hint of crossdressertation and a dash of back-waxery. Very Much relevant to my interests.
The Hallow
11:55pm The Egyptian
Look, I have never been able to tell the difference between an Irish fairy tale and a monster movie. And that’s the way I like it. I also like when nature fights back; when sidewalks get gnarled to bits by tree trunks, my heart grows 3 sizes. I also like Bojana Novakovic. That makes three thumbs up.
They say that this is a “Hitchcockian psychosexual drama,” and those words are music to my ears. This French take on the genre adds a hint of crossdressertation and a dash of back-waxery. Very Much relevant to my interests.
The Hallow
11:55pm The Egyptian
Look, I have never been able to tell the difference between an Irish fairy tale and a monster movie. And that’s the way I like it. I also like when nature fights back; when sidewalks get gnarled to bits by tree trunks, my heart grows 3 sizes. I also like Bojana Novakovic. That makes three thumbs up.
Sunday 5/17
Manson Family Vacation
Manson Family Vacation
4:30pm Harvard Exit
Addams Family Values meets Wisconsin Death Trip? Maybe? Please? Made on a micro-budget, with the assistance of a herd of Kickstarters, Manson Family vacation looks to be a darkly comedic coming-of-age tale of brotherly love.
Accused
7:00pm Harvard Exit
My favorite Dutch movie ever is Ya Zuster, Nee Zuster (Yes Nurse, No Nurse), a lighthearted musical comedy-romance, which is quite probably the exact opposite of this film. Accused is a thriller based on the story of Lucia de Berk, “The Angel of Death,” an intensive care nurse present at a few too many questionable deaths. Even though I don’t know a thing about the Dutch judicial system, or maybe because of that, I’m very much intrigued.
Addams Family Values meets Wisconsin Death Trip? Maybe? Please? Made on a micro-budget, with the assistance of a herd of Kickstarters, Manson Family vacation looks to be a darkly comedic coming-of-age tale of brotherly love.
Accused
7:00pm Harvard Exit
My favorite Dutch movie ever is Ya Zuster, Nee Zuster (Yes Nurse, No Nurse), a lighthearted musical comedy-romance, which is quite probably the exact opposite of this film. Accused is a thriller based on the story of Lucia de Berk, “The Angel of Death,” an intensive care nurse present at a few too many questionable deaths. Even though I don’t know a thing about the Dutch judicial system, or maybe because of that, I’m very much intrigued.
Monday 5/18
Taking the night off! Already! Because I have a hot date with an oak bar and an Old Fashioned and nothing but nothing is going to make me break it, not even The Old Dark House (7:00 pm The Egyptian), a gothic thriller from 1932 starring Boris Karloff, Gloria Stewart, and the always riveting Charles Laughton.
Tuesday 5/19
Son of the Sheik
Taking the night off! Already! Because I have a hot date with an oak bar and an Old Fashioned and nothing but nothing is going to make me break it, not even The Old Dark House (7:00 pm The Egyptian), a gothic thriller from 1932 starring Boris Karloff, Gloria Stewart, and the always riveting Charles Laughton.
Tuesday 5/19
Son of the Sheik
7:00 pm Uptown
Rudolph Valentino is the swashbuckliest! Granted, there are some pretty good arguments to be made for Errol Flynn or either of the Fairbankses, but Valentino had those eyes… those eyes that cut just as deep as any sabre. HNNG.
Even if you don’t care about things like action, escapades, romance, or betrayal, you’ll love The Sheik because it’s just so much dang fun. It’s an adventurer’s adventure.
Rudolph Valentino is the swashbuckliest! Granted, there are some pretty good arguments to be made for Errol Flynn or either of the Fairbankses, but Valentino had those eyes… those eyes that cut just as deep as any sabre. HNNG.
Even if you don’t care about things like action, escapades, romance, or betrayal, you’ll love The Sheik because it’s just so much dang fun. It’s an adventurer’s adventure.
As a bonus, the score will be performed live by Alloy
Orchestra.
And as a double-bonus, Valentino plays a dual role – TWICE THOSE EYES!
Paris of the North
9:00 PM Uptown
An Icelandic comedy about a recovering alcoholic and a tumultuous father-son relationship – that’s gonna hit some buttons. Remind me to fill my flask with Brennivin. I mean, you know, for when I’m standing outside the theater, down the block, maybe in a shadowy alley, before the show begins… Nothing to see here, move along.
And as a double-bonus, Valentino plays a dual role – TWICE THOSE EYES!
Paris of the North
9:00 PM Uptown
An Icelandic comedy about a recovering alcoholic and a tumultuous father-son relationship – that’s gonna hit some buttons. Remind me to fill my flask with Brennivin. I mean, you know, for when I’m standing outside the theater, down the block, maybe in a shadowy alley, before the show begins… Nothing to see here, move along.
Wednesday 5/20
The Color of the Pomegranates
7:00 pm Harvard Exit
Honestly, I don’t know much about this film, but I’ve heard the name tossed around in hushed and reverential tones by smart people. People who know things. And that alone puts it on the must-see list. The chance to see archival, historic, and important stiff like this all newly restored and on the big screen is one of the treats that makes SIFF a truly amazing festival.
Blind
9:00 pm Harvard Exit
Eskil Vogt’s first feature film, Blind has a pretty hefty bag of festival awards attached to it already, so that’s a good thing. Near as I can tell, it’s the story of creativity and ownership of one’s perceptions, as told by a newly blind author. Maybe some amazing things are happening? Maybe they’re imagined? How necessary are the stories we tell ourselves? Did Leonard Nimoy really sing “Sunny?” Who said that was OK?
A Hard Day
9:30pm The Egyptian
Yup, I realize that this overlaps with Blind, but I’m not yet sure which I’m going to go see. Whereas Blind is chock full of pop culture meta-references, A Hard Day is being touted as pure Hitchcockian suspense, and I am such a sucker for that genre. And it’s also supposed to be darkly slapstick, which, oh man… they may as well have called it “Hey, Lorien, It’s Your New Favorite Movie.”
Yup, looks I’ve made up my mind.
9:00 pm Harvard Exit
Eskil Vogt’s first feature film, Blind has a pretty hefty bag of festival awards attached to it already, so that’s a good thing. Near as I can tell, it’s the story of creativity and ownership of one’s perceptions, as told by a newly blind author. Maybe some amazing things are happening? Maybe they’re imagined? How necessary are the stories we tell ourselves? Did Leonard Nimoy really sing “Sunny?” Who said that was OK?
A Hard Day
9:30pm The Egyptian
Yup, I realize that this overlaps with Blind, but I’m not yet sure which I’m going to go see. Whereas Blind is chock full of pop culture meta-references, A Hard Day is being touted as pure Hitchcockian suspense, and I am such a sucker for that genre. And it’s also supposed to be darkly slapstick, which, oh man… they may as well have called it “Hey, Lorien, It’s Your New Favorite Movie.”
Yup, looks I’ve made up my mind.
Thursday 5/21
Bodyslam: Revenge of the Banana
9:30pm The Egyptian
Just one film tonight – but it’s a doozy! Semi-pro wrestling used to be one of those wacky things that a handful of Seattle funsters did for kicks. You know, like roller derby, burlesque, pencil fighting, etc… Only things got a little bit too real and “cabaret entertainment” became “regulated sport” and you’ll just have to watch the film to find out how it all ends up.
Friday 5/22
Dreams Rewired
8:30pm Uptown
Even more archival goodness to round out the week!
Dreams Rewired uses film clips, newsreels, and other early media to show the origins of our modern gizmos, our phones and tvs and all, and posits that “the social convulsions of today’s hyper-mediated world were already prefigured over 100 years ago.”
One of my major concentrations in college was social
surveillance, the how’s and where’s and why’s of it, and how technology got all
up in the mix and made things better – or worse, depending – for the everyone
involved. Its pretty fascinating stuff, and I’m looking forward to seeing if
and how this assemblage compliments that train of thought. Plus, Tilda Swinton.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Admin Day
Someone gave me flowers for Administrative Professionals Day, which is cool and all, but a far more apt gift would be to stop calling me "Gloria."
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
A Small Playlist (Qualia)
Alone – Colin Newman
For
the longest time, I thought this was a This Mortal Coil cover, but it turns
out, they covered him. There is a
haunting beauty here, but I can’t ever listen to his song without thinking of
the sewing machine scene in Silence of the Lambs. Shudder.
Alone in the Wind –
Andrew WK
So
in a way it kind of makes sense that the PARTY PARTY PARTY guy is doing anime
ballads, but… but… but… it’s the PARTY PARTY PARTY guy doing anime power
ballads! PARTY! Wear your whites and go forth with the power of PARTY behind
you. Because: PARTY! Alone. In the
wind.
Androgynous – The
Replacements
This
one gets me on a number of levels – The Replacements are far and away one of my favorite
bands, and up ‘til this song, they were pretty much a hard-drinking,
guitar-driven dude drunk punk drunk garage band. Did I mention drunk? But
Androgynous slides into your ears as this kind of jazzy-poppy piano standard; a little
bit early Tom Waits with hints of Tin Pan Alley. A gritty punk band
singing a tender song about gender blending may seem a little bit wrong – but oh no, it's so
very very very much right.
Are ‘Friends’
Electric?/Down in the Park – Gary Numan
Many
of Numan’s songs explore the relationship between man and machine and hint at a
lost, lonely, disconnected future. At the time, they were written off as
post-apocalyptic new wave foolishness, but his imagery is very much coming
true. More eerie than qualia, but
there is a very peculiar and intangible quality in the lyrics that puts me just
a bit on edge whenever I hear it, but I also find it calming – the gentle piano
melody echoed by massive synthesizers is hypnotic. I couldn’t decide which of
these conveyed the beautiful loneliness best, so you get both.
Books About UFOs –
Husker Du
Another
MN punk band going all piano-softy. Show me your soft white underbelly, Huskers, it's ok.
Boys Keep Swinging –
Lorette Velvette
And
more gender blendery. The Bowie version of this song is totally
tongue-in-cheekly homoerotic, but it takes a whole ‘nother turn when sung by
Mizz Velvette.
The Cutter – Solex
This
song comes at you like a gale at sea - there are striking waves and no small hints at
dread and doubt. This is a cold, cold, cold song, and it pretty
much always ends up in the top 5 whenever someone asks about my favorite songs.
I love the Echo and the Bunnymen original just as much, but Solex’s is much
harder to come by so that’s the one that gets shared.
Dead Trumpets – Peter
Astor
This
song smells like clove cigarettes and absinthe spilled upon leather ballet
flats.
Don’t Let Her Go –
The Mind Spiders
When
I first heard this song, I thought it was a really great lost recording from
some near-forgotten ‘60s garage band. Evidently it’s not, it came out in ‘11.
But in my head it totally is and always will be an oldie. Which isn’t much as
far as janked perception goes; I just wanted an excuse to pop this song on here
because it’s been in my head all day and it’s really damn good.
Double Silhouette –
Mark Mallman
The
last time Mallman played in Seattle was a little bit magical – he was the
recipient of my very first fan letter ever; I’d written it in a flurry that
afternoon, and it sat in my pocket, getting ever more crumpled, until the end
of the night when I’d finally chugged enough gin to give me the courage to hand
it to him.
[Sidenote: I’m not sure how he knew me, or why, but about an hour before the show he had friended me on facebook, which was a crazy surprise. I felt my phone vibrate, saw the notification and did some sort of jibbly internal back flip. Aieee! That was the final nail in the “gonna hand the letter over” coffin.] Anyway, after the set, I handed over the letter and we talked for about an hour at the bar. I excused myself to go home and get some sleep, but he chatted me via fb messenger until the wee hours. So I was all giddy. Supergiddy. That show was promoting his newest album, which seemed to be all about a very painful breakup, and it’s all introspective and sad, but I can’t help but just get all warm and fuzzy when I hear it.
[Sidenote: I’m not sure how he knew me, or why, but about an hour before the show he had friended me on facebook, which was a crazy surprise. I felt my phone vibrate, saw the notification and did some sort of jibbly internal back flip. Aieee! That was the final nail in the “gonna hand the letter over” coffin.] Anyway, after the set, I handed over the letter and we talked for about an hour at the bar. I excused myself to go home and get some sleep, but he chatted me via fb messenger until the wee hours. So I was all giddy. Supergiddy. That show was promoting his newest album, which seemed to be all about a very painful breakup, and it’s all introspective and sad, but I can’t help but just get all warm and fuzzy when I hear it.
Every Word Means No –
Let’s Active
Summers
in the Midwest – hot, humid, dandelion fluff everywhere. Peeling the labels off
beer bottles, all lime green eyeshadowed behind novelty sunglasses, this is summer.
Gimme Danger – Iggy
Pop
I’ve written about this song before, so I’ll just copy/paste from an old blog – “Thanks to the magic of the rewind button, I can watch Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Ewan Macgregor make out for hours. In the context of Velvet Goldmine, it’s not just a kiss – it’s the truth behind the pageantry. It’s the foundation that supports all their other artifice; it’s the realization that to succumb to an emotion that potentially compromising you have got to be just a little bit naive. And daring. And devoted.”
I’ve written about this song before, so I’ll just copy/paste from an old blog – “Thanks to the magic of the rewind button, I can watch Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Ewan Macgregor make out for hours. In the context of Velvet Goldmine, it’s not just a kiss – it’s the truth behind the pageantry. It’s the foundation that supports all their other artifice; it’s the realization that to succumb to an emotion that potentially compromising you have got to be just a little bit naive. And daring. And devoted.”
I Live 4 the U That
Lives In My Mind – Tulip Sweet and her Trail of Tears
When
fantasy and reality are at odds, choose the one that suits you best.
I Need A Girl – Sean
Na Na
This
song is such a celebration of everything that is wrong with needy man-children,
but all twisted up in there is also recognition and possibly maybe even a
celebration of all the roles women are expected to take in relationships and in
life, for better or for worse.
Sort of the exact opposite of Joe Jackon’s “It’s Different for Girls.”
I’m pretty much sure that I’ve fit into all of those molds at one time or
another.
I Wanna Be Black
Sometimes – Dylan Hicks
This
is one of those sentiments that most people can’t really let themselves say out
loud. Gender blending is still a
bit risque, bit there are songs about it, and Pulp’s Common People is a great song about financial grass is always
greenery, but the race card is still oh so taboo. Musically, I Wanna is the farthest thing from the
object of desire – the melody silkily smoothed out on a vintage organ bears no
resemblance to anything put out by Tupac or Biggie Smalls. Nope. This is the
absolute whitest of songs.
Keep Searchin’ (We’ll
Follow the Sun) – Del Shannon
This
song peeks through the static of late night AM radio roadtrips. It's both the vast expanse of northern lights and the shining beacon of a roadside Shell station.
(Lord, It’s Hard To
Be Happy When You’re Not) Using the Metric System – Atom and his Package
While
l love the brainiac badassery and killer keyboard riffage, I have to admit that
my head simply does not wrap itself around the metric system. At all. My right thumb is 2.5 inches
long, how many kiloliters is that? Yardsticks are not pathetic!
The Man With the
Harmonica - Apollo 440 remix
Not
so much an update of a iconic western soundtrack, this piece makes me think of
dark back alleys and the secret joy lurking within them. Stepping gingerly
over the remnants of broken Bud Light bottles, the hot air of night beating
down on you, and dawn oh so very far away.
Night of the Pedestrian – Chicks on Speed
I’m
afraid of cars. I’m afraid of driving. I love the movie Crash. I love
Fahrenheit 451. This song is sexy.
The Return of Kind
Ropes – The Nihiti
Basically,
my brain’s soundtrack to rope bondage. Which, musically, is not dissonant, but
bondagely is. It’s a bit of control I fear giving up, but also kind of sort of crave
it so. It’s a violence that can be performed kindly and gently, and that is a
beautiful thing.
Sister Havana – Urge
Overkill
Urge Overkill is pretty much everything I love about early ‘70s glam rock gone wrong – hipster cocaine excess without humility, depravity without deprivation. I have the feeling that UO has always been a simultaneous ironic parody and wholehearted tribute to overblown arena rock, and for one hot minute in the 90s, we all rode their coattails out of the alternative college radio quagmire. And then fell right back into it.
Urge Overkill is pretty much everything I love about early ‘70s glam rock gone wrong – hipster cocaine excess without humility, depravity without deprivation. I have the feeling that UO has always been a simultaneous ironic parody and wholehearted tribute to overblown arena rock, and for one hot minute in the 90s, we all rode their coattails out of the alternative college radio quagmire. And then fell right back into it.
Stacked Crooked - The New Pornographers
This
songs needs to be screamed out at the top of one’s lungs while driving north on
gravel roads at 110 per. This song
should be a defining teenage anthem, sung while giving the finger to your mom.
This song needs to wear tight leather pants and no bra.
But it’s just so… soft and cuddly.
But it’s just so… soft and cuddly.
Waiting for the
Cheerleaders to Get Drunk – The Feeling of Love
It’s
bored, it’s impatient, it’s urgent, it’s kinda rapey… and it’s pretty much a
play-by-play retelling of all the high school parties ever. The pressure behind
this song is palpable – it’s the soundtrack to letterman jacketed boys urgently
waiting for the Boone’s Farm Tickle Pink to take hold. The beat of this one,
though, the driving bassline especially, pushes it way into the ZOMGSEXXAY
side, because I like songs that sound like this. Hnnnng.
We Love You – The Rolling Stones
I
grew up in a Beatles household. In my family, The Beatles were the origin and
the definition of rock and roll. But… I preferred The Stones, The Kinks, and
The Who. It’s one of those things that should not be a big deal, but really,
deep down, it was one of the first ways I truly disappointed my parents. How dare I?! This may have been the
first inkling that I wasn’t of the family, that I was indeed plucked from a box
of howler monkeys.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
This was supposed to be one articulate paragraph about bisexuality
I have a lot of thoughts about bi-erasure/bi-invisibility, especially in
my own life/style, but I'm not entirely solid on them yet.
Most of my long relationships have been hetero-oriented, so the safe assumption is that. but I've got 20+ years of flirts, one-nights, and the occasional long-term thing with women, too. I'm definitely more romantically attracted to men, and more physically attracted to women, and this manifests in sometimes choosing who the brain gets along with better than the body, and that's OK. I'll take the brain. Brains are awesome.
I'm very publicly affectionate, I mean, anyone who saw me out and about with Brooke would have seen red light smooches, hand holding, nose booping, and other annoyingly cutesy things that hetero peeps do, and there was really very little self-consciousness about it even though it was always a known thing that same-sex peeps just don't do that in public. So we did it more. Because transgression. But unless someone also saw me with Jeff or Loren or someone else at the same time, those sorts of affectionate displays just read as lesbian. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
There really aren't any stereotypical visual cues for bisexuality. I mean, if I rocked a pompadour and casually leaned on stuff a lot, that would be fairly just cause for a fair number of assumptions. And if I was a weekend woo girl, that reads as totally straight - no questions asked. But there's no optic code for the middleground. Which is awesome a lot of the time, the hiding in plain sight bit is fun when pretending to be a superhero, so I just do that a lot. But I guess sometimes I wish there was something subtle, something other than wearing lavender moons or whatnot. Maybe a nice necklace...
The "phasing" of bisexuality is problematic, too; there seems to be a lot of bi-now/gay-later shifting, and if that is part of a learning and transitioning process then cool. Of course. But I guess I feel a lot of the more public forms of that (lookin' at you, Tom Daily) seem to be like "whoops! my bad."
And on TV's Constantine, he kisses no boys. None.
But then again, none of this really matters. But then it really, really does. And none of this is nearly as articulate as I'd hoped, but I'm off to lunch now and any rethinking will just have to wait until I get back.
Most of my long relationships have been hetero-oriented, so the safe assumption is that. but I've got 20+ years of flirts, one-nights, and the occasional long-term thing with women, too. I'm definitely more romantically attracted to men, and more physically attracted to women, and this manifests in sometimes choosing who the brain gets along with better than the body, and that's OK. I'll take the brain. Brains are awesome.
I'm very publicly affectionate, I mean, anyone who saw me out and about with Brooke would have seen red light smooches, hand holding, nose booping, and other annoyingly cutesy things that hetero peeps do, and there was really very little self-consciousness about it even though it was always a known thing that same-sex peeps just don't do that in public. So we did it more. Because transgression. But unless someone also saw me with Jeff or Loren or someone else at the same time, those sorts of affectionate displays just read as lesbian. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
There really aren't any stereotypical visual cues for bisexuality. I mean, if I rocked a pompadour and casually leaned on stuff a lot, that would be fairly just cause for a fair number of assumptions. And if I was a weekend woo girl, that reads as totally straight - no questions asked. But there's no optic code for the middleground. Which is awesome a lot of the time, the hiding in plain sight bit is fun when pretending to be a superhero, so I just do that a lot. But I guess sometimes I wish there was something subtle, something other than wearing lavender moons or whatnot. Maybe a nice necklace...
The "phasing" of bisexuality is problematic, too; there seems to be a lot of bi-now/gay-later shifting, and if that is part of a learning and transitioning process then cool. Of course. But I guess I feel a lot of the more public forms of that (lookin' at you, Tom Daily) seem to be like "whoops! my bad."
And on TV's Constantine, he kisses no boys. None.
But then again, none of this really matters. But then it really, really does. And none of this is nearly as articulate as I'd hoped, but I'm off to lunch now and any rethinking will just have to wait until I get back.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)