November means one thing - excess. Too much food at Thanksgiving, spending too much money on Black Friday, and recovering from the overload of elections. I'm not going to speak to the third, because I know you are there with me. And for Black Friday - eh, you know the drill. Just don't do it. Don't participate in mass consumerism. If you gotta buy something, shop handmade and local, and do it on any other day than that particular day.
Now... on to Thanksgibbing! This episode of Everyday starts out with 3, no, 4! No, 5! Five pages of cheesecake recipes, courtesy of our friends at Philadelphia brand cream cheese. They look pretty good, too, so I'm not even mad about it.
In the new and trendy section, fruit-forward snack trays are the main feature. This year we give thanks for favorable trade and inexpensive labor with and from Central and South American countries so that we can have fresh strawberries. Then a warning that the blue light from our screens is ruining our faces and we can buy expensive sunscreens to protect ourselves from it. Also, a reminder that cider tastes good. Noted, noted, and noted. Also, faux fur! All the kids who were too scared to go wild it in the 90s get another chance to get their inner club kid on! In suburban-safe natural tones, even.
16 Fast and Fresh Ideas! Carrot and sunchoke soup, this one actually looks delicious. Caesar salad with endive and parm chips aren't anything new, but the pictures sure are pretty. Gochujang must be the hot new flavor, I've been seeing it all over instagram. # months ago. Chocolate-dipped potato chips? Didn't we just cover these a couple issues ago? Didn't I eat them in my teenage years? Yeah, calling shenanigans on that one. Cooking with tea - simmer oatmeal in Earl Grey! Steep mint tea bags in heavy cream! One of these things sounds amazing, one is just gross. But it's heartening that we are now getting back into the real hatin' on territory. Back when I started this thing, RR was telling us to use leftover popcorn as breakfast cereal and giving us 10 tips on how best to reheat Taco Bell burritos and that was the Rachael Rae I loved to hate. Recent issues have been a little too much on the rails for my liking.
Roll With It - variations on the cinnamon roll. Please let there be a lemon poppyseed, please let there be a lemon poppyseed... Well, there's a lemon cherry, an orange bacon, stromboli, herbs, and chocolate halvah. I'm down with most of those, but the stromboli seems exceptionally uninspired - it's just olive tapenade and mozzarella cheese. Since stromboli is pretty much rolled-up pizza, why not also include a schmear of tomato paste, and some oregano and, if you are meatily inclined, diced pepperoni?
Thanksgiving Buy or DIY - how best to spend your time and hard-earned dollars when making dinner? First up, cranberry sauce. I say buy. There's absolutely no way to replicate the sweety tarty fruity aspic, so why even try? The magazine agrees with me. Because I am right.
Rolls - The magazine says buy. I agree. Or better, skip them completely, they take up space that would be better filled by:
Mashed potatoes - I say make 'em yourself. While I have a certain special soft spot for instant taters, Thanksgiving calls for yukon golds, butter, cream, more butter, garlic, butter, pepper, butter, sour cream, and a dollop of butter.
Stuffing - I do not trust stuffing. If its cooked in the bird, it probably never got hot enough to kill any inner-bird salmonellas. You don't want to think about it, all those raw bird drippings soaking in and getting all outbreaky, but it is true. And stuffing, in or out, generally has things that I will not eat - gizzards, hearts, sausage, veal tenderloins, ortolans... So I make Trader Joe's cornbread stuffing out of the box like a god damned true American. What advice does the magazine have here? I didn't even bother to look.
Pie - tie! I will almost always bake pie from scratch, but storebought is ok too. Costco pumpkin pie is pretty good. Ezell's sweet potato pie is even better.
30 Minute Meals. The copy editor needs to be shot, because as written, I'm reading this as 30 meals that take one minute. I'm about to turn the page and I am expecting disappointment. Here goes...
Ok, yup. Here's the thing, these meals take about 30 minutes, so the title page should have read 30-minute meals. That dash changes everything. That said, I like the idea here - leftovers and soon-to-be leftovers getting together to make different, better meals. My favorite post T-day meal is a mashed potato and cranberry sauce sammich, so turkey and chorizo soft tacos, turkey stir-fry, and pumpkin mac and cheese aren't too much of a stretch. Lasagna soup, tho... not so much.
And now... (dun dun dunnnnnnnnnn) Thanksgiving. Because it hasn't already been 100% turkey and stuffing until now. First up, the bird. Rach advises against getting one that's all frozed up, and I agree. She also advises against getting a freshly butchered organically raised White Holland bird, which starts at about $7/pound, instead pushing us all to get a nice, plain organic, less expensive bird for about --$7/pound? Oh kay.
Anyway, get your bird, dry brine it in the fridge, truss it up like a pro, and skip the in-bird stuffing. Mizz Rae even agrees, sorta. She says being elbow-deep in a bird is gross, which is close enough for me. Oh yeah, baste too. But don't use a squeezy thingy. Her term, not mine.
Side dishes! Baked parsnip/potato mash, farro stuffing, roasted shallots and grapes... This is fancier than the RR I used to know. And it actually looks pretty good. WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE? Desserts, too, are looking better than usual. Cranberry amaretti parfaits, walnut pistachio baklava pie, and pumpkin crepes all look delish. Wait - I think I know what's going on. INDUSTRIAL ESPIONAGERY! Someone on staff must have raided the recipe cast-offs from the offices of Saveur, and for that I am very thankful.
Now we are back to more ideas for leftovers. The pie shake isn't a new thing, in fact, I can name a handful of diners within a 5-mile radius of my living room that have it on their menu, but it's a nice reminder that yes, you can blend that. The "super-delicious" turkey sandwich, tho... basically, make some thousand island dressing, spread on bread, add turkey. Umm? No. Every self-respecting kitchen should already have thousand island dressing in the fridge, no need to make your own, and you should really be using cranberry sauce as your bread spread here anyway. Once you've done that, you still need to add a healthy layer of potatoes, sweet potatoes, and/or stuffing.
After the traditional spread, we come to a technicolor dessert table. Rainbow explosion cake, candy skewers in champagne, and a bright, comfortable home with no kids in sight. This is a holiday for the liberal elite! Too bad there aren't any recipes or how-tos here, because I'm all about the unicorn gay sparkle candy tablescape I'm seeing here.
The next page is holiday horoscopes. As a Virgo, I'm supposed to avoid sweating details like keeping politics away from the table; one suggestion is to discourage conversation altogether by putting my guests to work. But you know what, you can still call out your racist uncle while washing the the e. coli off your romaine hearts, so have at it. Sagittariuses are supposed to bring the dessert, and Aries, don't yell at your mom. And after that, an ad for White Castle featuring a recipe for Slider Stuffing. And now, 759 more pages of ads.
At the very end is the secret to truly great mac and cheese. Way to bury the lede, Rach. So, start with butter and flour, to make a roux, then add milk to turn it into a bechamel. Then add cheese to make it a mornay... hold on, hold on, hold on! There's no secret here, this is just Sauce 101! And the recipe only calls for 2 cups of cheese. Heresy! Fuck this recipe.
So, this issue was a hotbed of mixed emotions. I miss the supercrappy old wackadoo recipes, but I also feel that I didn't learn anything new and good. I'm not steeping in disappointment, but I'm also profoundly uninspired. I spent 38 cents on this magazine and it was maybe worth every penny?
