The June issue was all about the rock, and the July/August double issue theme is "This Is How We Roll." Rock... and Roll! I get it! And on the cover is a lobster sandwich! I get that too! It's a pun! WOW. And on the second page - an add for paint, with not-brushes. Rollers! Too bad they couldn't keep it going, there was ample room for hair curlers, derby teams, and Bay City. Already I am disappoint.
First thing we learn is that Rachael has a birthday in August. The big 5-0. And there is a picture of a piece of spumoni ice cream cake with a candle clip-arted on to it. Because that's what you get for the mogul who has everything. Turn to page 86 for the recipe.
And now a little something about BBQ. Non-southern cities like New York and Chicago have BBQ, did you know that? They do. The article also lists Los Angeles and Honolulu, which technically are in the south, but not The South. This has me feeling a bit conflicted. Like, what exactly are you saying here, Mizz Rae?
Diving into the recipe part of the zine, first up is polluck with a pitachio parsley sauce. Which seems a lot like a recipe I read in the last issue.Grilled pizza with sausage and peppers, which unlike last issue, is a savory pizza with neither marscapone nor mint. Elote and sweet corn panna cotta are up next, and some succotash. I have to say that after taking a couple years off, it's nice to see a little bit of diversity creeping in. In 2014, this would have been grilled corn, custard, and green bean salad.
Another article about grilling! Carne asada, salsa, something called a mockarita? I mean, it looks good, but it's iced hibiscus tea with grilled pineapple. How does that bring it near the margarita family? The only similarity is that it is a beverage served in a glass. That said, it's an article focusing on how great it is to teach kids to cook, and I am down with that. But? There is an ad for dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets right there and I think someone in layout is very very disgruntled right now.
Speaking of ads, a few pages back was a recipe for raspberry breakfast bites on dainty rounds of puff pastries. The page I'm looking at now is an ad for Ritz crackers, showing a plate of crackers schmeared with cream cheese and topped with berries. Basically the same thing.
More grilling! This time it's veggies. "They will take your summer from good to grate." See what they did there? Put lettuce on a grill. Cook til done. Voila, hot salad.
Next page: Sun's Out Buns Out. Not butts, unfortunately. Bacon-wrapped hot dogs and chicken salad and the like, as well as a sidebar telling which potato chips go best with what. Did you know that the best potato chips taste like potatoes and that the ripples on ripple chips help pick up dip? Did you?
Want help figuring out the farmers market? The next article will tell you all the insider tips and tricks. In order to know what's at the market, you should first do a lap to see everything. Then go back and buy things. The author would someday like to get chickens so she can make her own eggs and not have to go buy them, but that's not possible in her 2-bedroom apartment. Not with that attitude, it's not. Sidebar is an ad for pre-packaged snacks.
30-Minute Mealtime! Salad with fried egg and cheese, pesto pizza, pasta with creamed corn, shrimp stuff, crab stuff, sandwich fillings from prior recipes re-purposed as main dishes... I'm not finding anything to mock or laud here, it's just all so meh.
But now I'm gonna learn 50 ways to awesome up my ice cream. Basically the first 10 are "add things that taste good" and "spend 12 hours making your own sprinkles." Eleven through 14 are recipes for magic shell, which I may indeed use at some point, and then there's just a list of brands to try and a bunch of Instagram pix. Don't wanna use a cone? Try a hollowed-out pineapple instead! Traveling in India? Try Kulfi! Oh, and by the way, here is that recipe for spumoni...
Summer cocktail party tips. Astute readers will remember the last time I bitched about party tips (use your shy friends as servers, they love it!), and I'm already dreading what tidbits this article holds.
1: Pour cocktails into ice trays, then put the cubes in a glass and top with sparkling wine. Thing is, booze doesn't freeze. Remember high school science?
2. Crostini is an easy app. Yup, we know that.
3. Pre-grill meat and then just heat it on the grill later. Yes, do that. It will be nice and dry and overcooked.
4. Did you know beets taste good? They do. Next.
5. Aaaaaaand here it is - Put your guests to work! But actually you are just setting up a make-your-own- Arnold Palmer bar. Which is essentially just one pitcher of iced tea and one pitcher of lemonade.
6. In case you forgot from just a few pages ago, buy vanilla ice cream and mix things into it. It's so easy, even kids can do it!
Are our attention spans really that short? It would seem so.
